Spiritual Guidance Blog

For some this will be no surprise. For others, this will be hard to accept. Here it is… whatever we are reacting to has nothing to do with the other. Let me explain with a personal story.

Last week I had to rush my partner to the hospital emergency. My partner was feeling very poorly, and had increasingly been feeling poorly for several days. My partner has been living with Parkinson’s disease for almost 20 years. During that time, we have paid many visits to the hospital emergency; too many to count. In each case the visits to the hospital results in a banter of tests being run that, with few exceptions, don’t reveal anything conclusive. Such was the case last week. That the doctors could not find anything wrong was, in one way, a blessing I suppose.

So as the events of that morning last week unfolded, a cornucopia of emotions ran over me like a mack truck! Everything from fear, worry, anger, frustration, anxiety, joy, love, compassion…you name it! Any and every possible emotion landed in my lap over the course of that morning and day. Perhaps you can appreciate that by the end of the day I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

It was only the next day that some clarity started to emerge over the events of the previous day. As the events unfolded, I perceived an ‘other’ in the unfolding events. In this case, the ‘other’ was my partner. I was seeing and feeling an ‘other’ person. As a result, I bought into the idea that the ‘other’ was causing me to feel whatever it was that I was feeling. If I was feeling fear, it was because the ‘other’ was causing this fear. If I was feeling worry or anxiety, it was because the ‘other’ was causing this worry or anxiety. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Every moment of that prolonged event—from the time we left our home to the time we returned—there never was an ‘other’ person making me feel anything. I was feeling something based on what I perceived was happening. My partner was not making me feel anything. I was ‘feeling’, full stop. I was feeling something. To suggest that something or someone was ‘making’ me feel something was abdicating myself of responsibility for what I was thinking, feeling, seeing, and doing.

In truth, whatever I am reacting to has nothing to do with the ‘other’. Anything I see or feel is my choice. No one or no thing can make me feel or think anything. I am 100% responsible for what I think, for what I feel, for what I see, for what I do.

Deeper than the preceding is the realization that whatever it is I am seeing, is only showing me myself. In the events of that morning last week, I was being shown some aspect of myself. It was being shown to me so I could learn about some aspect of myself. If I learn the lesson(s), the feelings associated with that event will not repeat themselves. If I don’t learn the lesson(s), then the event and associated feelings will most surely repeat themselves.

The implications for this teaching are far reaching. As I said at the beginning of the article, for some people this is old news. For others, this will be hard to accept. If you are in the former group, be glad. You have opened yourself to living in peace. If you are in the later group, and you find it hard to accept this truth, don’t worry. Life will end up teaching you, one way or another.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

Recently, I’ve become aware of something that is significant for my healing. This awareness brings with it the opportunity for me to heal myself and bring me peace. It’s not a revelation necessarily, just a very simple, plain truth.

I have noticed that whenever I react to anything or anyone with anything other the love, there is a ‘story’ playing itself out in my head. My reaction to a thing or person in a given situation, may range from annoyance, aggravation, or anger, to mild irritation, curiosity, or disbelief. Written all over my reaction is judgement. It is a perception, or observation, that whatever or whoever it is I am seeing is not conforming with the way I think it, or she/he, should be.

Why is this awareness significant? When I recognize there is a judgement or perception being projected, I become aware that there is a story playing itself out in my head. The story may be about the way I think something or someone should be or behave. The story may be about how I think something or someone should be, instead of how it is, or she/he is. Whenever I wish for something or someone to be other than what it is, or the person is, dis-ease results. I am pulled out of my peace.

If I choose to look at what is unfolding, I can recognize that the story playing out in my head is something from the past repeating itself. This story is typically associated with some sense of loss, grievance, or hurt. The story is never about the event unfolding. The story is always about some unresolved matter from my past.

The gift of this awareness, and the opportunity for healing, rests in my choice to not react to the unfolding event or situation. But to bring my awareness into my daily meditation and stillness and unpack the story. I examine the story and allow it to reveal to me the illusion of my loss, grievance, or hurt. I allow the story to show me what it is I’m holding on to that is causing me pain. When I get to the core issue(s) of my story, I then lay the foundation for forgiveness. As I allow forgiveness to enter my mind, I am healed.

To recap, I carry around unconscious stories from my early-life conditioning. These stories play themselves out whenever I react to anything or anyone with anything other than love. If I look at these stories, I can uncover my blockages to love. When I uncover my blockages to love, I can forgive myself. Forgiveness heals me and brings me peace.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

I went for a walk to the grocery store yesterday. It was a beautiful Spring day and it was lovely to walk along the streets with the warm air blowing on my skin and in my hair. I arrived at the grocery store, selected what I needed, and then headed home, with groceries in hand.

As I walked home, I became aware of my thoughts, feelings, and judgements. I remember looking at a tree that had buds just starting to come out. I remember thinking, “Oh!, how lovely!” I remember seeing people sitting outdoors on a tavern patio, enjoying a drink with friends. I remember thinking, “It must be cool, just sitting there, and drinking a cold drink.” I remember seeing some Christmas lights high up in a tree. I remember thinking, “How did those lights get so high up?!...Why are they still up there, it’s the end of March!” There was a never-ending conveyor belt of thoughts, and feelings associated with the thoughts.

Shortly before I arrived home, it dawned on me to ask the question, for any of the things I saw, who was doing the seeing? For any of the things I thought, who was doing the thinking? For any of the feelings I felt, who was doing the feeling?

The part of Rob that looked at the budding tree was that part of Rob that loves nature…the nature-lover Rob. The part of Rob that looked at the people sitting on the outdoor patio, enjoying a drink with friends, was the introvert Rob, the part of Rob that wouldn’t engage in that sort of behavior. The part of Rob that looked at the Christmas lights high up in the tree and asked “How did those lights get so high up?!...Why are they still up there, it’s the end of March!”…was the part of Rob that seeks for efficiency and consistency in all things. Afterall, wouldn’t one take down Christmas lights before the end of January?!!!

So, what’s the point of this inquiry and realization? Very simply, any ‘part’ of me that thinks, feels or judges is not in direct communion with the Divine. Any part of me that thinks, feels or judges is the part of me that I have carved off from the Divine and made my own.

Thought or feeling is born from judgement. I see something and I make a judgement—it’s good, it’s bad, it’s right, it’s wrong. I feel something because of something I experience—I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel joy, I feel anger. This too is born from judgement.

Judgement is not of the Divine. The Divine does not judge. The Divine simply observes and acknowledges what is. There is no thought of “I like this.” or “I don’t like this.” Whatever ‘this’ is…simply is.

Our practice, our work, is in bringing back together, unifying, all the different parts of ourselves we have made to walk through this world. In that bringing back together, we unify all aspects of ourselves and allow the Divine to ‘be’ present within us.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

Earlier today I went for a drive to the grocery store. Amidst the characteristically and gratefully uneventful journey to the grocery store, there were a few drivers I witnessed that were being less than courteous. Some I felt were being downright rude.

When I arrived at the grocery store, the outing was characteristically and gratefully uneventful. Like with the drive, however, there was the odd patron who would seemingly be completely unaware of what was happening around them, resulting in causing some other patrons upset, including me.

As the day unfolded, I occasionally noticed people doing what felt and looked like unkind things. Granted, there were far more examples of good deeds that unfolded.

The day described above was not an unusual day. It was not the only day that I went out for a drive to witness driving infractions. It was not the only day that I witnessed people being unaware of what was going on around them. It was not the only day I witnessed people being unkind or doing unkind things.

I have become accustomed to witnessing and experience people misbehaving. But what I’ve also become accustomed to is stopping and asking myself when and where I remember doing the exact same thing! I am no longer fooled by my thinking that other people are misbehaving. I only have to stop and think and I soon realize that the very thing I am accusing another of doing, I have done myself.

It never fails, however egregious the infraction or misbehavior appears to be, I don’t have to think long before I can remember having behaved the same way myself. Even in the most extreme example, where I will see in the media that someone has murdered another person, if I’m honest with myself, I can remember having thoughts of wanting to harm another.

And so it is, one of the immutable laws of the universe, whatever we think, resulting in whatever we do, comes back to us. My seeing infractions, my witnessing unaware people, watching people being unkind, is simply reflecting back to me my own thoughts and actions. It’s not the other person who is misbehaving. The other person is merely mirroring back to me my own behavior.

Fortunately, the same is true for our positive thoughts and actions. We see those around us too. But it’s the negative thoughts and actions we see that we are far less likely to take responsibility for. Perhaps it’s what the masters meant in the ancient teaching… “Beware of your thoughts.”

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.