No like, no respect…no matter

Growing up as a child all I wanted to be was ‘liked.’ This desire carried over into my adolescent years. I would do things, and do things for others out of a longing to belong, fit in, and be liked. As a child, the idea of being respected was not yet in my vocabulary or understanding.

As I moved into adulthood, as I strove for accomplishment in this world, my focus shifted from wanting to be liked to wanting to be ‘respecting.’ I still hung on to vestiges of wanting to be liked, but I was more concerned now with being respected. I wanted people to listen to me. I wanted people to do what I told them. Underneath it all was a thin veil over my secret desire to control people. I unconsciously equated their respect as my ticket to control them.

At this stage in my life, I no longer desire for people to like me or respect me. Of course, it is nice when someone likes and / or respects me. Striving to be liked or respected is of no interest to me anymore. This lack of interest in whether or not someone likes or respects me has come with the awareness and acceptance that whatever someone thinks about me is none of my business. Equally, what someone says about me is none of my business.

It has been suggested that the preceding is an indication that I have grown to become more comfortable in my own skin. Perhaps. It feels more like simply accepting and loving myself like never before.

I am becoming more aware that all I want is peace in my life. And I know that I cannot find that peace outside of me from anyone or anything else. I can only find this peace within me. And I know that if I strive for being liked or respected, I will not find my peace, because either striving takes me away from my core, my altar, my place of peace.