Spiritual Guidance Blog

“Words are windows, or they're walls,

They sentence us, or set us free.

When I speak and when I hear,

Let the love light shine through me.”
- Ruth Bebermeyer

The past eight months has been an unprecedented period of personal and spiritual education for me. The recent, intensive learning began in May (2024) when my partner was plunged into long-term care due to paralysis. My partner lives with advanced stages of Parkinsons and dementia.

The preceding eight months has been one of purification. Home life with my partner of 25 years has been stripped away. My physical home was stripped away (I have relocated into an apartment). Much of my work activities were stripped away, as I devoted all of my energies to helping my partner transition into long-term care and selling our home. What remaining social life I had, outside of institutional settings, was stripped away. There was little left. If there had been any facades, any coverings or veils, that my ego was still projecting, these too had been stripped away. I was ego-less. Not ‘without’ ego, but with less of it. I felt helpless, vulnerable beyond compare, and with no control over all that was unfolding.

As I begin to emerge out of this period, some precious insights are starting to crystalize into beautiful gems. First, there is an awareness that unlike any other time in my life I know nothing. I do not know what anything outside of me is for. I do not understand anything outside of me. I cannot even be sure I can explain what anything outside is for or even means. Second, there is an awareness that all of it, all that is seemingly around me, people, places, events, means nothing. It is ALL meaningless. Third, and perhaps most precious, is an awareness that I no longer need to strive to understand anything outside of me. I no longer need to strive to make sense of, or find meaning in, anything outside of me. All I need do, if anything, is accept all that appears to be unfolding outside of me.

The preceding awareness has been tremendously freeing. I can certainly acknowledge all that is unfolding outside of me, but now I give myself permission to not have to make sense of it or understand what it is all about. It simply is. As a dear soul friend has often shared with me about that which he experiences unfolding outside of him…all I need do is acknowledge “Oh, that just happened.”…and move on. No judgement; no thought beyond what just happened. Just an awareness; and then a letting go.

Until now I have written about what is seemingly going on outside of me. What about the inside? What about all that is going on inside of me? Well…there is little to no difference. The outside if merely a manifestation of what is going on inside. It is equally helpful to be aware of what is going on ‘inside’ as ‘outside,’ but it is equally meaningless and pointless. All of my inner work over the years, while valid and a stepping stone to present-day awareness, was, in itself meaningless and pointless. I don’t mean that the inner work was not worth doing, but that, in and of itself, it was meaningless and pointless. It was only what I projected on the inner work that had any meaning or point.

Even my meditation practice has not gone unaffected in my awareness. For several years I have allowed less and less structure to lay over my meditation practice. Yes, I continue to sit daily in stillness, but I have moved almost entirely to a meditation practice of ‘allowing’ no structure or set way of doing things. If there is a goal, it is simply to be still and allow my thinking mind to come to rest. This practice of stilling the mind is, in an of itself, like all other illusions. However, it differs in one very important way; at least it doesn’t create any other illusions of myself, or anything I may perceive to be unfolding outside of me.

These ‘dark nights of the soul’ are precious gifts. The preceding eight months has allowed me to deepen in my trust of life and Spirit. So long as I surrender to the unfolding, the TRUE gifts of life will reveal themselves to me. But so long as I hold back, so long as I refuse to go in to the dark, I walk away from my healing. There is light in the dark. The darkness is not there to consume me; it is there to set me free.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

Many of you may be familiar with the famous biblical scene of Jesus’ crucifixion and him uttering the words “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34 KJV) There has been much written about the meaning of Jesus’ words. But I recently had an experience that gave me personal insight to what may have been going through Jesus’ head when he uttered those words.

One day in November, I was leaving the long-term care home after having visited my partner on that day. It was a trying visit and I was feeling rather ‘beaten up’ emotionally. I was walking with my head down, with a heavy heart and feeling dejected.

As I approached the parking lot where my car was parked, I lifted my head. At that precise moment, a car backed up into the driver’s side of my car. I will never forget the sound of crunching metal. As the car moved away from my car, I could see the indentation in my car door. I was stunned! I froze momentarily; only to be jolted out of my daze when the driver backed up into my car for a second time!

My awareness of the unfolding events expanded as I realized the driver of the car was an 80-perhaps-90-year-old-man who was very confused about how to get out of the parking space he was in. His choice of maneuvers was placing him in a more precarious position with every turn of the wheel.

A host of thoughts started racing through my mind…

How many more times is this guy going to hit my car? How can this man be allowed to have a driver’s license? How on earth is he going to get out of this parking lot without hitting my car, or other cars, repeatedly?

I pondered my options…

I knew I could choose to do the normal thing…go over to the driver, inform him he had backed in to my car multiple times, damaging my car…and proceed to exchange insurance information so that I could make a claim for repair of the damage. I can remember thinking… “I may be doing everyone a favor—me, the driver, unsuspecting bystanders, etc.—by having the driver prosecuted so that he wouldn’t harm himself or anyone else by his driving skills, or lack thereof. The next thought that ran through my mind was… “Will this old fella even have insurance?”

As the thoughts continued to race through my head, one of the attendants in the parking hut ran over to the man and his car, recognizing what had happened and what was unfolding. The parking attendant patiently and compassionately helped the elderly man out of his car, drove the car out of the parking lot, and helped the man (who could not walk on his own) back to his car.

As all this was happening, I simply sat on a nearby curb, watching it all unfold. A calm came over me. There was an awareness that I could not change what just happened (i.e., the man backing in to my car twice), as it all happened so quickly. I watched with much gratitude as the parking attendant helped the old man so that no further damage was done to my car, or other cars in the parking lot.

The old man got in his car and drove off. I said a prayer that he would arrive at his destination safely, without harming himself or anyone else.

At this point you may deduce I chose not to confront the driver of the car and collect the necessary information to make an insurance claim. Why? Well, after surveying the situation, I asked myself… “What’s the point?” The old man had no idea what he was doing. I could see the confusion in his eyes. He had no idea how to maneuver his car out of the parking spot. He was afraid. He was so afraid that he had no awareness that he was backing in to my car. He was aware there was a car in back of him, but he had no awareness he had made contact with the car. He just needed to get himself out of there! He simply did not know what he was doing.

My decision to not confront the man was not a righteous one. My decision was rooted in the wisdom teachings to “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And remember, it’s all small stuff.” It was a decision to just let it go. It was a decision for my peace. And that peace is only possible through forgiveness. Would I condemn myself for having done the same thing if the scenario was reversed? Then why would I condemn this elderly man? My car was damaged, but not disabled. The car would be fine. The car would still get me from point A to point B. After all was said and thought and done, the man backing in to my car simply didn’t matter. Goodness knows, I had what felt like far more important things to think about.

Was this what Jesus was thinking about when he uttered the word “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”? Had Jesus arrived at the state of mind where he just let it all go? Was it peace Jesus was pursuing and he realized the only way to obtain that peace was to forgive everything and all? Had Jesus arrived at a state of awareness that, in the end, what was being done to him simply didn’t matter? We’ll never know. But are there opportunities in our lives to just let things go. To acknowledge, even witness, the unfolding, but to choose for peace in our response to that unfolding?

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

I have become increasingly interested in nutrition throughout my life. I am now at a state in my life where I take my diet and nutrition seriously, watching what I eat, when I eat it, and how I eat the food I prepare for myself. I rarely purchase store-bought / ready made food, opting instead to make my own food. I don’t eat processed sugars. I am conscious of the dietary components of the foods I eat. My interest in food and nutrition has grown to the point where I have decided to head back to university in January to study Human Kinetics and delve more deeply into the relationship among human anatomy, physiology, exercise, and nutrition.

As noted above, I have moved away from eating processed sugars. If I want or need to add sweetness to the food I cook or bake, I will substitute sugar for honey or maple syrup. Honey has been in the news a lot in the past few years, questioning its nutritional value and health benefit. I’m not going to get into the concerns about honey; all to say there are some healthier alternatives to honey that can add some sweetness to your food, if desired.

My primary breakfast food is oatmeal. I add nuts, raisins (for sweetness), fresh fruit, and fresh berries most mornings. Until recently, I had always added a teaspoon of honey to my morning oatmeal; occasionally I would substitute maple syrup for honey, but I find maple syrup too sweet sometimes.

On a recent shopping excursion, I picked up a container of molasses for a recipe I was planning to make. I arrived home, opened up the cupboard to put the molasses away, and realized I already had a full container of molasses in the cupboard. “Hmmm,”…I thought. “I don’t use molasses very much (in my cooking or baking). “I don’t want it to go to waste.”, I thought. “How could I use molasses on a more regular basis?” I asked myself. “Why not try it in my morning oatmeal, instead of honey.”

So, the next morning I tried some molasses in my oatmeal, instead of honey. As I was enjoying my oatmeal, out of curiosity, I grabbed the honey and oatmeal containers and started to read the nutritional labels on the products. I was quite surprised to read that not only did the molasses contain a quarter less sugar per serving, but the molasses contained far more vitamins and nutrients than honey. I did some further research online and learned just how much more healthy molasses is than honey. Needless to say, I have switched to using molasses in my morning oatmeal.

Enough of the talk about food and nutrition. That’s not what this article is about…

Life has a way of showing us the way. Life has a way of leading us where we need to go. I think it’s ‘very’ interesting that with my increasing interest in health and nutrition, that one day I make the Alzheimer’s-like mistake of picking up a duplicate container of molasses. Actually, it wasn’t a mistake at all! I think it was life’s way of making me aware of something that was aligned with my heart’s intention at the time. I think this happens all the time in our lives. Some may call it serendipity. Some may call it coincidence. Some may call it ‘dumb luck’! I think of it as Divine intervention.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

When my partner was plunged into the long-term care system in May, most everything I was doing stopped. I stopped most of my ministry work. I stopped facilitating groups. I stopped endurance cycling outside (although I continued to enjoy indoor workouts). I stopped any remaining social activities I was engaging in. All my energies were devoted to helping my partner, as best I could, get settled in a long-term care facility.

Now, seven months later, my partner is settled in a long-term care facility. I have sold our home, moved, and settled in to a new place. Now, seven months later, life is starting to settle down a little. I feel space in my life again; that is, some time to sit and relax, space and time to ‘smell the proverbial roses.’ I have begun to think about resuming some of the activities I enjoyed before May. But not so fast!...

I have made a conscious decision to re-evaluate everything I was doing prior to May. As I consider engaging in any/all activities, I will evaluate whether I want to resume the activity. I have made a conscious decision to not fill up all my time and energies. I have made a conscious decision to allow ‘space’ in my life. This feels like such a critical juncture in my life; and giving myself the permission to be patient with the unfolding feels important. I need time to watch and witness what may emerge. I don’t want to numb any new, creative ideas that may come my way because I have no time or space to explore them. For example,..

I am intending to return to University in January to study Human Kinetics. In recent years I have developed a keen interest in the relationship among human anatomy, physiology, physical exercise and nutrition. While I have enjoyed my self-directed study in recent years, I want to return to an academic setting and add some structure to my learning. What I am so looking forward to is inviting this new learning experience ‘for me,’ not for a degree (i.e., piece of paper), but for the simple joy of learning.

As my life transforms and emerges from a tumultuous purification of sorts, I will consciously observe the unfoldings, giving myself permission to ‘feel’ the unfolding. I will be patient with myself and give myself the time I need to adjust and embrace what emerges.

This time feels like a great ‘reset;’ an opportunity to start over again, sort of. Of course, I am not going to jettison everything I did before. The foundation of my ministry work will remain. I intend to continue my psychotherapy practice and spiritual groups. I intend to continue my collaboration with my spiritual teacher, Richard Harvey. But all of these activities will be streamlined. Some newness will emerge, for which I look forward to.

Transforming one’s life, and what one does with one’s life, is invigorating and rejuvenating. Life can get pretty full. Sometimes this fullness creeps up on us. Sometimes life gives us some calamity that makes life spill over and we are forced to make abrupt adjustments. It’s all carefully orchestrated to guide us through our own learning and healing, however. Regardless of what’s unfolding, whether we perceive it as good or bad, it will pass. Something new will emerge. Nothing stays the same, except our love. That is the one constant, love. Let love guide us through life and the transformations of space we experience.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

I remember a dramatic scene in a Canadian TV show featuring a doctor and raging patient. The doctor was trying to diagnose a patient’s condition. The patient was irritable and cranky. At one point, the patient lashed out against the doctor, saying “You Docs have all the answers, don’t you!?” The doctor replied, “No, I don’t have the answers, but I do have the questions.”

Over the past few months, I have written about things being stripped away in my life (home life with my partner, my home, my work) and the awareness that none of these things are what or who I am. As I process the unfoldings, I have been blessed with the opportunity to ask myself some questions, some of those questions I have shared in previous passages. But I wanted to summarize them here, in one article.

The first set of questions are from a grieving state; that part of me that is sensing loss and that is grieving that loss. Those questions include:

·         What will be left when I get through this?

·         What will I look like?

·         What will I feel like?

·         What will remain?

But then, another more hopeful set of questions emerged that looks at the situation and unfoldings through a different lens. Those questions include:

·         What will emerge?

·         What could possibly be in store for me?

·         What is life choreographing for me?

·         Where is life leading me?

·         What does life want for me?

·         What is life GIVING me?

The questions alone have a healing affect. The answers to the questions are somewhat irrelevant. The awareness of the questions themselves brings hope. The questions ground me in a trust that life will provide for me. I am brought an awareness that I don’t need the answers. I am reminded that all I need do is allow life to unfold on its terms and to remain at peace with its unfoldings. Life will reveal itself to me; I need not force it.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.